


All I Want Is This

by Jadynof9



Category: Star Trek: Picard
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Christmas traditions, Crew as Family, Food Brings Us Together, Multi, So many warm fuzzies, Some Grief/Mourning (just a smidge), Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, established relationships - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28063734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadynof9/pseuds/Jadynof9
Summary: Just some snippets of seasonal joy for our favorite motley crew.
Relationships: Agnes Jurati/Cristóbal Rios, Raffi Musiker/Seven of Nine, Soji Asha & Elnor
Comments: 22
Kudos: 28





	1. Memories to be made

**Author's Note:**

> Let's be honest. This is a super bizarre holiday season for pretty much the entire world that celebrates it. So I decided it wouldn't hurt to indulge in some yuletide fluff to hopefully add a little bit of brightness to our lives. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a slightly different take on these two for me, writing more from an earlier point in their relationship than being fully established - I'm thinking like maybe a few months post season 1. Mainly I wanted something light and playful, so hopefully I pulled that off. There is a lot of blushing. Because the idea of these badass women blushing is adorable. Especially when they do it to each other. All the happy feels.

_Was I ever that young?_

Raffi smirked self-deprecatingly, leaning on the railing as she watched the interactions occurring in the mess hall. Elnor and Soji were conversing animatedly at one of the tables, peppermint ice cream slowly melting, forgotten off to the side with a half-eaten plate of cooling fries. She imagines the odd food combination must have led to the current topic of conversation, given the repeated gestures toward it. The gestures were emphatic; not angry or heated, but certainly passionate, with neither side backing down from whatever their respective stances were. It warmed her heart, despite the ridiculousness.

“Or maybe because of it,” she muttered out loud. Innocence was such a rare, precious gift, and one certainly more suited to youth and vitality. No, a grizzled old veteran of life such as herself had little left that could espouse such sentiments.

“Because of what?”

_Then again…_ Raffi chuckled despite herself at the irony of how quickly her aged cynicism gave way to adolescent enchantment at the mere sound of Seven’s voice, even more so as the Ranger’s arm brushed against her own, leaning on the rail just next to her. Their budding relationship still had her in the stage of butterflies, skipped heartbeats, and gentle blushes. The attraction and passion hadn’t been an issue, and definitely not something either had been particularly shy about; they were both fully grown women, after all. If anything, that had been the simplest part.

The emotions, the vulnerability, the growing acceptance and appreciation of each other’s stories and personhood? That she hadn’t been prepared for. And based on Seven’s sometimes tentative touches, occasional tender glances with a dusting of pink across her cheeks, and not-quite caught smirks that carried heart-melting softness…well, she hadn’t expected it either.

“The kids seem to be arguing about ice cream and french fries,” she responded, leaning into the contact. Her smile widened at the inadvertent little sigh that escaped the Ranger as she did so. “I couldn’t decide if it was adorable despite it being so absurd, or because of it.” Seven hummed in acknowledgement, both of them lapsing into observational silence. At this point, Elnor had gotten up from the table and was acquiring something from the replicator. Returning to the table with his fare, what looked from their vantage point to be a bread-like product next to a forebodingly dark substance, he placed the items between himself and Soji. The synth’s face in response was a study in skepticism with a touch of terror.

“I feel for Soji,” Seven responded. Raffi looked over, intrigued; Seven had only a slightly raised brow, but her tone fully matched Soji’s facial expression. She turned slightly to Raffi, her smirk waking up those butterflies. “Remind me to tell you about the cheesecake incident.”

“Cheesecake?” Raffi responded incredulously, eyebrows creeping up in curiosity. She chuckled as Seven actually _shivered_ in what she assumed was disgust. “I will definitely be asking about that later.” Returning her gaze to the episode below, Soji was now dumping everything in the reclimator, apparently to Elnor’s dismay. She then returned to the table offering the young Romulan a simple, unassuming candy cane. Apparently it was just the treat they needed as the conversation calmed considerably, both happily working on the traditional holiday treat.

Memories started to percolate in her mind’s eye, bringing with them the bittersweet warmth that she always associated with thoughts of her son. For generations Christmas had always been a key holiday for her family. The first one after the divorce then had turned into a nebulous haze of substance-induced dissociation. Subsequent years were never quite as intense as that first one, but were still spent forgetting as much as possible.

Now? Now for the first time in years, she found herself with a family of sorts, and no desire to drown out the holiday spirit. If anything, she was hopeful; a frightening position to be in for someone who had spent so long in dark and desolate isolation. But she was there nonetheless, and knew that if nothing else the two youngest would bring enough light with their exuberance and innocence to pull even Rios out of the most Scrooge-like of introspections. The sudden image of Rios grumpily wearing a festive hat brought a genuine smile to her face.

“How do you feel about holidays?” she tried to ask casually. Family feels aside, Raffi knew she wanted something a bit more than that. Deeper. Intimate. Terrifying, as she’d already survived that being torn asunder once before but desired it all the same. Turning she found Seven giving her a questioning brow. “The candy canes,” she offered in way of explanation, gesturing toward the now sedate Elnor who was examining his treat with laser focus. “I’m guessing Soji picked them since it’s getting close to Christmastime back on Earth.” Seven nodded in acknowledgement. She seemed to consider briefly before shrugging.

“One day is the same as any other. More often than not they seem to be arbitrarily selected dates to commemorate something one group cherishes and another despises, or give a justification for celebrating in excess, or any other number of reasons that are far from anything they originally claim to be.” Her expression turned almost apologetic. “Having the knowledge of holidays of hundreds of cultures – what they were meant to be and what they eventually became – tends to be a bit disillusioning.”

“That makes sense,” Raffi murmured reflectively. It genuinely wasn’t something she had considered, which helped her mask the sinking feeling she experienced at the seemingly disinterested response. With an internal sigh, she chastised herself, trying to think instead of everything else she still had this time around that was far more than she ever thought she would’ve deserved. “I’m guessing with that many calendars in your head, you might well literally have a holiday for every day of a given year.” Seven huffed quietly, answering without missing a beat.

“As far as the Earth calendar is concerned, March 4th and July 23rd are open.” Raffi laughed, feeling a little lighter as a result. She quieted, noticing the sudden outburst caught Elnor and Soji’s attention. Offering a shy wave, she turned her attention back to the snarky Ranger, feeling her breath catch at the unexpected tenderness she found there. She felt her own gaze softening in turn, felt a welling of affection rise in her as that seemed to cause a gentle blush in response.

“One consistent thing I have seen across cultures,” Seven said quietly, fingers gently brushing against Raffi’s arm, “is that those days tend to take significant meaning when they are shared with at least one, carefully selected individual.” Hesitant yet brilliant blue eyes lifted up to meet surprised, playful hazel.

“And have you identified at least one such individual?” Raffi quipped, barely stopping herself from batting her eyes. She was simultaneously entertained and embarrassed by herself for even having the urge. _What has this woman turned me into?_ she thought giddily as Seven’s smirk took on a smug quality, the hand that had been toying with Raffi’s sleeve now reaching into a jacket pocket.

“I’d like to think so,” the Ranger replied coolly, offering Raffi a small, rectangular box. Beside herself, Raffi turned to face Seven fully as she took the proffered box, heart skipping a couple beats in the process. A quick look at the xB’s face and she could definitely see a mischievous sparkle in those eyes, leaving her to wonder how long she’d been lying in wait with this. She was still looking into those eyes even as she opened the box, taking a moment to simply appreciate the warmth emanating from that gaze before actually looking at the gift.

There was a soft gasp when she did. Shaking slightly, she gently fingered the edge of the beautiful, filigreed pendant nestled in the center. The intricate lines of silver and gold were dazzling, a level of artistry she’d rarely seen before. Squinting somewhat, she could just make out the outline of _La Sirena’s_ comm badge design, and overlaid on that…

“Is that the Rangers’ logo?” It was subtle enough that you had to know what you were looking for to recognize it.

“It is,” Seven answered as Raffi gently began to work the necklace out of the box. “Called in a few favors, found someone who was able to craft the design while still make it a working beacon. It seemed more…aesthetically pleasing than putting an S.O.S. chip on a chain.”

“Beautiful and practical,” Raffi mumbled as she worked the clasp behind her neck, then adjusting the pendant; it settled perfectly between just between her collar bones. “Sounds like someone I know.” She enjoyed the sight of discomfited ex-Borg Fenris Ranger as Seven cleared her throat, the slight blush deepening on her cheeks. After considering her words however, Raffi’s throat tightened slightly. _I shouldn’t need to call a Ranger if I already have one in the vicinity…is she…_

“Any particular reason I would need a second Ranger on standby?” she asked, going for playful despite the tiniest waver in her voice. Seven turned to face her, hip resting against the railing.

“Never hurts to be prepared,” was the steady response, “but I would like to think I’m a functional and effective first line of defense.” Raffi chuckled, shaking her head to cover the shaky sigh of relief that came with it. As a result, she missed Seven’s own lowering of her head, uncharacteristic shyness stealing over her features. “The intended message is that I’m willing to be there for you whenever you need me. If you’ll have me, that is.”

Raffi didn’t even try to fight the moisture welling up in her eyes as she reached to take the subtly offered hand at her side, lacing their fingers together before looking back up. “I think I’d like that,” she replied, not missing the slight widening of that warm, intimate smile that only ever emerged for her. She gave Seven’s stomach a playful backhand, grimacing in mock irritation. “You little rat, I don’t have a gift for you. I wasn’t sure you would want one, much less have one hiding out in my back pocket.”

“Raffi! Seven!”

Both of them looked down in response to Soji’s call. Elnor looked up at them expectantly while Soji pointed above their heads with a Cheshire grin. The women looked up to find a sprig of mistletoe dangling where there had certainly not been anything before. Seven smiled, looking back at Raffi, gently cupping her face with her free hand as she moved to close the distance between them.

“This will more than suffice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 <3 <3
> 
> Next chapter: Odd food combinations, holiday traditions, and what _is_ that frightening dark substance Elnor replicated?


	2. Stories to Be Shared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soji and Elnor have strongly differing opinions on what constitutes as "comfort food."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Elnor in general, but there's something incredibly entertaining about writing Elnor and Soji!
> 
> Also, I am fully a fan of the french fry/ice cream combination and have been since my earliest memories, so when they introduced that on the show as something Soji loved, I was a very pleased trekkie. XD

She wasn’t actually hungry she realized, swirling the fry into the previously perfectly shaped scoop of pink. With a sigh she brought the peppermint-laden potato stick to her mouth, unable to fight the smile as the flavors and textures rolled around inside. On second thought, maybe she had been hungry: just not necessarily physically.

“I hope I’m not in-butting, but I’m very confused by what I just witnessed.”

Soji looked over to see a perplexed Elnor descending the stairs to the mess. She was both curious and nervous: given Elnor’s unique upbringing with the Qowat Milat, it seemed to take very little to confuse him. Most of the time it was harmless communication mix-ups, missed social cues, cultural references – things that while occasionally irritating due to their frequency were actually pretty endearing. But once in a while, explanations were far more uncomfortable to someone so innocent. Like Rios’ heated conversation with a rival freighter captain that made references to the other guy’s mother. (“I thought Rios did not get along with this captain, why would he have spent time with the captain’s mother?”) Or Seven’s casual banter with Raffi about not really needing any reason to put her in cuffs. (“Has Seven done something that requires punishment?” Even worse was explaining Raffi’s response of “It’s nothing she wouldn’t enjoy, honey.”)

“What happened?” Soji asked, gesturing for Elnor to sit across from her. As he did, she picked up another fry, swiping up some ice cream before popping it in her mouth. Her eyes drifted closed as the flavors filled her mouth, momentarily distracted from Elnor’s next culture lesson. When he didn’t respond to her question after several seconds, she opened her eyes. And promptly stopped chewing at his expression, eyes widen open and staring at her intently. “Wait,” she mumbled around her mouthful, “are you talking about me?”

“I recognize the french fries, and I recognize this dessert, though I don’t think I’ve ever seen it that color before,” he spoke warily, eyeing the bright pink glob; it did not seem anything of that hue should be considered edible. “Why are you mixing the two together? Are they not two separate courses in a meal?”

“Sometimes the best combinations are the things you would never think should go together,” Soji explained, chuckling. “Here…try it.”

Elnor’s brow was furrowed. With great seriousness, he picked up a fry, but then just stared at it. His gaze shifted from the fry to the ice cream and back, slowly, before looking up at Soji pleadingly. She tried valiantly to hold back a giggle before grabbing a fry herself and walking him through the process. He mirrored her diligently, eventually placing the morsel in his mouth, though with considerably less enthusiasm than Soji.

Soji nearly choked watching his face contort in reaction. She quickly swallowed her bite, allowing her to laugh freely as Elnor comically swallowed his own sampling. “I’m guessing you’re not a fan.”

“That was a terrible experience that I never wish to repeat,” he responded flatly with his characteristic candor. Soji was now nearly crying in her laughter.

“What don’t you like about it?” she asked, wiping her eyes.

“All of it.” Soji’s laugh continued; rarely did Elnor respond to anything in such a grave monotone. “Why would you take these two items that don’t belong together and eat them simultaneously.”

“Because it’s delicious,” Soji mimicked Elnor’s deadpan response. Elnor’s jaw dropped. Shaking his head, he picked up a fry and ate it plain, then gestured to the diminishing piles of fries.

“These. These are hot, crispy, savory, and delicious.”

“Agreed.” Elnor then took the spoon on the tray and scooped up a bite of the peppermint ice cream.

“This,” he mumbled somewhat while pointing at the scoop with the spoon, in a hurry to make his argument but also clearly caught off guard by the intensity of the ice cream flavor, “is cold, soft, sweet, and…not as delicious, that is a _very_ strong flavor.” Soji laughed again, convinced Elnor was just shy of trying to scrape the flavor off of his tongue with his hand.

“Debatable, but mostly accurate. So clearly if you put two delicious things together,” she argued, gesturing toward both food items, “it becomes even more delicious, right?”

“No!” Elnor responded immediately with the same facial expression as if she had suggested kicking a cat for fun. “Everything about these two items is completely contradictory and it makes my mouth confused. I did not even know my mouth could become confused!”

“Elnor, it’s a comfort food,” Soji managed in the midst of her giggles. “It doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to be good.”

“Confusion is not comfortable, Soji.” Elnor looked desperate, as though pleading to save her life. “Eating confusion does not bring comfort.”

“Ok, let me try and break it down for you.” Soji tried to collect herself, in part to try and stop laughing as her stomach was starting to ache as a result. Her efforts were nearly for naught as she took in Elnor’s legitimately serious demeanor. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself into some semblance of a teaching mode and gestured very seriously to the ice cream. “This is a dessert. Desserts in and of themselves are meant to be indulgent. A treat. Some might even say a reward.”

“I would argue that this strange pink ice cream is too sweet to be enjoyable, but your words otherwise make sense.” He nodded, completely unfazed by her poorly suppressed snort. “Please continue.”

She did so, now gesturing to the half-eaten plate of fries. “These, eaten by themselves, are what some might call junk food. They have a pleasing taste, but not necessarily any significant nutritional value.” Elnor pointed excitedly at the fries.

“These are good. Though I do not entirely understand how they bring comfort, they do taste delicious.”

“Fries are good. Ice cream is good. They make each other better,” Soji summarized, complete with hand gestures.

“No.”

Soji just chuckled as Elnor got up, walking toward the replicator. “I suppose you have a better combination?”

“If we are discussing the combination of items making something better than they were individually, I recently discovered this pairing,” he explained, bringing over a tray. On the plate was an almost pita-like bread of sorts, glistening with a buttery spread across its surface. Next to it was a bowl.

“Is that tar?” Soji asked, all joviality gone at the sight and rather pungent smell of the strange, dark…paste? Elnor grabbed a slice of the bread, beginning to slather a fair amount of the foreboding substance across it.

“The database lists it as something called vegemite,” he said with a smile, reaching for a second piece of bread to coat, much to Soji’s dismay. “It’s a nutritious supplement, rich in B vitamins. I’m not certain what all that entails, but the doctor confirmed it,” he declared proudly, offering the slice to Soji. The synth girl looked critically at the object before raising her gaze back to the incredibly eager Romulan’s face.

“Elnor. I’m not eating that.”

Elnor looked pointedly at the fries and somewhat melted ice cream before looking back at her. Sighing in defeat, she gingerly grabbed the vegemite-laden bread product and slowly took a small bite. The flavors exploded in her mouth, and she imagined her face went through the same gamut of expressions Elnor had earlier. Swallowing the bite as quickly as possible, as the act of chewing simply served to spread the intense saltiness, she quickly grabbed the ice cream and scooped up a large spoonful, desperate to cleanse her palate. Elnor for his part was chewing happily.

“If that was my reaction to your food combination, I now understand your laughter, that was very entertaining.” Soji scowled playfully at him; only Elnor could manage to say something like that so sincerely without actually reveling in the other person’s misery.

“Elnor, nothing about… _that_ …is comforting,” Soji proclaimed, gesturing toward the vegemite. Elnor gestured in kind to the ice cream and fries.

“Neither is there anything comforting about this! At least the vegemite is nutritious and can bring about physical comfort by keeping you healthy.” Soji shook her head, gathering all the food onto one tray and walking away, even as Elnor was reaching for a second slice for himself.

“Ok, I didn’t explain that well,” she admitted as she placed everything back in the reclimator. “It’s not necessarily about the food itself being comforting, though sometimes that can be part of it.” Soji tapped an entry into the replicator, briefly wondering if she could find a way to ‘accidentally’ wipe vegemite from the database in the process. Smiling as her “order” appeared, she picked the striped treats up and forgot all about it.

“It’s the memories that come with it.” Handing Elnor a candy cane, she sat and popped the end of the cane into her mouth, holding on to the curve. “You don’t bite on it, though I guess technically you could if you wanted,” she explained quickly as he went to chomp on it. “You suck on it. Lasts longer that way, too.”

He looked at her skeptically before placing the entirety of the curved hook into his mouth. It was brief, as he pulled the cane back out to examine it, smacking his lips.

“This is like the ice cream, but better. It’s not overly sweet.” He looked up, pleased. Soji smiled before returning to work on the end of her own cane. That sat quietly enjoying their sweets for a few moments, Elnor taking breaks to stare intently at the candy as if to unravel its secrets, especially as the red coloring faded with the dissolving sugar.

“These are a common treat around winter on Earth,” Soji explained, if for no reason other than to keep herself from giggling at him. “They’re very traditional for the Christmas holiday.”

“Is this a ‘comfort food’ then?” Soji nodded. “What memories do you have with it?”

Soji felt a cloud settle upon her mind, the peppermint suddenly cloying in her mouth. The innocent question reminded her of why she had sought comfort food in the first place. “Nothing real,” she whispered despondently. Tears began to well in her eyes until she felt a hand cover her own.

“You said you were born three years ago, right?” Elnor asked gently as Soji raised her eyes to his. She winced at the statement, but nodded slightly. “Did you not get to see your sister at all in those three years? Perhaps for this holiday you speak of?” Soji considered this. After a few moments, her expression softened as a smile worked its way on her face.

“Two years ago, I was able to go…to Earth, for Christmas” she stumbled, catching herself from saying ‘home.’ “As far as we knew, our parents were going to be off-world for a xenobotany conference dad was supposed to be presenting at.” She rolled her eyes, knowing the truth now. Her smile grew as Elnor squeezed her hand comfortingly. Looking up at him, taking in his sincere interest, his gentle attention, she realized she felt a genuine peace for the first time since learning the truth about her existence. A peace she ‘remembered’ having had before. It was freeing, happy, and sorely missed.

“I stayed with Dahj at her apartment for a few days, and on Christmas Eve we decided to have a slumber party. It’s a thing young girls do, sit around in pajamas, giggle about boys, silly things like that,” she offered in way of explanation at his confused expression. It didn’t seem to lessen his confusion, but he nodded for her to continue. “Since it was Christmas Eve, we replicated candy canes and hot chocolate, and just talked and laughed until it turned into Christmas day.” Warmth and a sense of giddiness filled her as the replayed the memory, reliving it in vivid detail courtesy of her now activated eidetic memory. “The next year, since I couldn’t come to her, we called each other and did the same thing. We decided it would be our new tradition…” she trailed off, sadness returning with the grief she was still working through. It had been getting easier, slowly. She took a deep breath before turning her hand under Elnor’s to take it in her own. He had a sadness in his own eyes, realizing she must be thinking about the loss of Dahj. She squeezed his hand, smiling genuinely. “Thank you, Elnor, for letting me talk about her.” Her smile grew as his expression lightened.

“I know I’m not your sister, but perhaps we can continue your tradition and have a sleep party? If you’d like?” he offered tentatively. Soji laughed, unable to avoid the mental images of Elnor in Christmas pajamas. Elnor, encouraged by her response, continued with growing excitement. “I don’t know what silly things we could do, but we can have hot chocolate and these sweet canes, and you can tell me stories about this Christmas holiday.”

“I’d like that,” she said, happiness blossoming in again. They were smiling at each other when a laugh caught their attention. Turning, they looked up to see Raffi and Seven leaning on the railing. Raffi waved bashfully at them before turning to look at Seven, who had been watching her with warm affection.

“Seeing them happy brings my heart joy,” Elnor said cheerfully. Soji crinkled her nose as she giggled.

“You know, there are other Christmas traditions, too,” she said, mischief lacing her voice. Elnor looked over at her, curious. “Computer, activate Emergency Hospitality Hologram.”

“What is the nature of your hospitality emergency?” Steward greeted gaily, clearly overjoyed to be of use. Elnor tilted his head, confused.

“Hospitality emergencies are a Christmas tradition?”

“I would daresay it depends on the family or event,” Steward responded casually. “But I’m certain in some circles they would even say it isn’t Christmas _without_ some type of hospitality emergency.”

“Steward, focus!” Soji called laughing, getting the hologram’s attention. She then pointed over toward the two women on the upper deck, so completely enamored with each other the group of them in the mess hall were now unnoticed. “Mistletoe. Right there.” Steward cooed, wriggling happily as he tapped in his folio. The bright holiday sprig materialized silently over the couple’s head and Steward looked down at Soji, fully pleased with himself. “Thank you, good sir.” Steward gave a dramatic bow before dematerializing. Elnor was intensely interested in everything that was occurring.

“Raffi! Seven!”

They both looked down again, then up as Soji pointed above their heads. The women looked up, smiling at each other before kissing. Soji looked over at Elnor, whose jaw had dropped slightly.

“That plant made them kiss?” Soji laughed.

“Something like that. It’s a tradition to kiss underneath the mistletoe.” Elnor looked at her, perplexed.

“What does this plant have to do with kissing?” Soji opened her mouth to begin to explain, but then stopped, considering.

“You know, why don’t we make that one of the stories I tell you on Christmas eve?” she offered. Elnor’s face lit up, his joy and exuberance spreading to Soji, infectious in his delight as always. “Only seems appropriate.”

“I will do my best to wait patiently then!”

“Has anyone seen Rios?”

Soji and Elnor looked up toward the voice, Seven and Raffi apparently having left and been replaced by Picard. Soji shook her head in response, Picard began to visually scan the rest of the ship. Soji turned to look at Elnor, who had squeezed her hand. Concern crept in at his distraught expression. “Elnor, what’s wrong?”

“Picard is standing under the mistletoe, but no one is there to kiss him,” he said sadly. He sat up suddenly, a determined look stealing across his features. “Tradition must be upheld.” He then took off and was at the foot of the stairs by the time Soji realized what was happening, eyes flying open in shock.

“Elnor! Wait!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure: I actually enjoyed vegemite when I finally got to try it. But boy, that butter-to-vegemite ratio is of utmost importance, because if you don't nail that, you would definitely need something like peppermint ice cream to save your tastebuds. And possibly your blood pressure.
> 
> Next chapter: Does Elnor make it to Picard under the mistletoe?? And where _is_ Rios?


	3. Peace to Be Had

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agnes learns about Rios' history with Christmases past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for not getting this out before Christmas, as was the original intention. However, there _are_ twelve days of Christmas, so I'm saying I'm still within the acceptable timeframe. :)
> 
> This does have a sadder tone to it (because apparently it is not in my DNA to write pure fluff at this point), but again, this year has been a far more somber one for holidays. BUT, the spirit of it can (and should) still prevail!
> 
> I've also decided I would love to see what Agnes is like drunk, a thought that only occurred to me as I was finishing this chapter. XD

It wasn’t his intent to disrupt them, truly. He slowed his approach when he saw them look up at the mistletoe, figuring to give them a moment. However he could only slow himself so much before starting to feel uncomfortably like some sort of voyeur, and the moment was clearly lasting much longer than he anticipated. Picard cleared his throat gently, causing Raffi to jump slightly, as if waking from a daydream. Turning to face Picard, she tried to appear casual and confident, not at all like a mildly embarrassed teenager caught making out with her girlfriend.

She failed. Particularly as the completely cavalier Ranger rested her chin possessively on Raffi’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around the woman’s waist, debonair grin highlighting the mischievous twinkle in her eyes. Picard smiled warmly as Raffi turned redder.

“Have either of you seen Captain Rios?” Seven shook her head carefully, mindful of its perch.

“I’d spoken with him earlier this morning. While he mentioned he would be otherwise occupied today, he didn’t specify where or for what purpose.”

“Damn, that reminds me,” Raffi exclaimed suddenly, “He had asked me earlier to take the conn at 1500. Something about taking the holos offline for a while.” She reluctantly unwrapped Seven’s arms from around her, giving her a look both apologetic and sweetly accusatory. “I’d been killing time until then when I suddenly got distracted.” Seven shrugged before placing an audible peck on Raffi’s cheek, devilishly enjoying her continued blush and Picard’s entertained chortle.

“Go. I’ll join you shortly.” Raffi gave her a genuine smile before heading off toward the front of the ship. Seven nodded briefly at Picard before taking off toward her quarters. The retired admiral shook his head, chuckling good naturedly as he moved to fill the space they had vacated. Leaning on the railing, he took a moment to enjoy the pure, innocent scene Soji and Elnor presented. Mildly loathe to disturb them but still focused on the task at hand, he called out: “Has anyone seen Rios?”

The two looked up at him, Soji shaking her head in response. Picard began to scan the ship, looking for any indication of where the freighter captain might be. Hearing his name, he turned to find Agnes approaching.

“Cris asked me to let you know that your shipment was transferred to your study, just as you asked.” Picard’s features lit up and he clapped his hands together.

“Excellent, thank you Dr. Jurati! That was all I needed to know.” Without another word, he turned and began a brisk pace toward the holosuite. Belatedly, he turned briefly and gestured toward her. “Please give the captain my gratitude!”

Agnes smiled, waving her acknowledgment. A bare moment later, Elnor was at her side, looking around confusedly. She gave him a concerned look. “Something wrong Elnor?”

“Did you kiss Picard?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Agnes’ eyes were about to pop from her head. Elnor’s expression rapidly switched to child-like joy.

“Now you are here, so now I kiss you, is that right?” Agnes backed away quickly, utterly confused and more than a little frightened. Elnor looked up, his expression rapidly switching back to confusion. “Where did the kissing berries go?”

“It’s called mistletoe,” Soji reminded as she was nonchalantly shoving her hand in her pocket to hide the quickly confiscated decor. “And I think that might be enough Christmas spirit for today.” Both she and Agnes couldn’t help but “aww” slightly as Elnor visibly deflated. Soji began to corral him back toward the mess. “Let’s finish our candy canes and we can plan our slumber party.”

Agnes, uncertain what had occurred but feeling she dodged a potentially uncomfortable bullet, re-oriented herself toward the captain’s quarters. She had been concerned, not having actually seen Rios all day. It seemed difficult to _not_ run into each other at least once given the size of the ship; avoidance would take significant effort. Avoidance being exactly what she feared, having woken up in his quarters alone and having been all throughout the ship without seeing him even once. It was only a few minutes before as she was helping Enoch prepare the protocols for the holos’ maintenance diagnostic that there had finally been some sort of communication. Enoch paused, his eyes glowing briefly, before informing her that Rios requested her presence in his quarters and could she pass a message to Picard along the way.

Reaching the door, she took a deep breath in an attempt to settle her nerves. It did little to help as she tapped the door console, requesting entrance. She couldn’t make anything from Rios’ voice either, as he invited her in.

Not that Rios was ever fond of keeping his quarters well-lit, the first thing she noticed was that the lights had certainly been dimmed. His record player was going quietly, offering Agnes her first hint at what might be going on. On the side of the bed, she saw the dark mop of slightly disheveled hair roll toward her, Rios’ head laid back as he sat on the floor. His forearms were propped on his bent knees, cigar in one hand and well glass in the other. She was happy to see that the bottle of aguardiente was still mostly full.

She offered him a quiet, if somewhat nervous smile as she approached. “Hey there mister,” she called as she sat next to him, somewhat relieved as he reached to place his glass next to the bottle on the nightstand before then draping the arm across her shoulders casually. “Where’ve you been hiding all day?”

Rios shrugged, bringing the cigar to his lips. As the smoke rose with his exhale, he laid his head back on the bed again. “M’sorry I’ve been outta sight. Picard’s got this big shindig planned that he needed my help with. Wouldn’t give me a lot of details, said he wants it to be a surprise for the crew. Sounds like he only told me that much because he had no choice.”

“I’m guessing that would be the mysterious shipment I was telling him about?” Rios nodded. “He did seem oddly excited about it.” Agnes paused, once more taking in her lover’s somewhat dejected state. “And you seem oddly despondent about it? Assuming that’s what you’re actually despondent about? Despondent looking, at least?” she rambled somewhat to her chagrin.

“Just reminded me of some things.” He responded somewhat flatly, reaching over for his glass. A well-timed, melancholic riff of music slipped into Agnes’ hearing

“Vandermeer.” It was slightly question, but mostly statement. Rios downed the remainder of the liquid in his glass.

“Among other things,” he responded somewhat hoarse as the burn of the liquor slowly faded from his throat. “It was around this time the year before…” he trailed off, shaking his head quickly to toss off the thought while also reaching to pour another glass. “He put together a dinner for the senior staff. Wanted to share a little bit of home, he said. Little bit of himself with all of us, to thank us for everything we’d given him.” Agnes watched his gaze glaze over slightly, losing focus as he slipped back into the memory. She reached across her chest to take his hand, hanging just off her shoulder. His eyes regained some clarity in response, fingers giving her a slight squeeze in appreciation as well.

“He told us about his family’s Christmas traditions, then had us all go around talking about holiday things. It was quite a grab bag, yeah? Had a Bolian, couple Bajorans, even a Caitian. My favorite was probably this young trill, newly joined…they had four lifetimes to pick from, so Pops of course insisted every host be represented.” Rios couldn’t help but smile, even laden with the sad knowledge of the events that followed not long after. Agnes shifted slightly, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“What did you share?” There was the slightest bit of guilt as she asked the question, fully taking advantage of Cris’ tipsy state to learn more about him. It wasn’t so much that he was entirely unwilling to talk about himself when she asked. It was that he was very good at telling stories that required little to no vulnerability, something she only realized after watching him with Raffi. The two of them together, given their history of adventurous rabble-rousing, were always incredibly entertaining when set in motion. The ease of their camaraderie, the effortlessness of their banter, even their arguments resembled a feat of verbal gymnastics that kept either from being seriously injured while still allowing for them to vent whatever frustrations had built up. But if things ever got _too close_ to being something more emotionally intense, they seemed to have this unspoken agreement to almost blindly have each other’s backs: beautiful, in its own way, that their support of each other was so unconditional despite keeping parts of themselves in secret.

But Agnes had seen that changing for Raffi. Had seen those interactions between her and Seven, the openness that showed in her eyes, her face, her entire body language then the two of them thought no one was paying attention. Saw it, and longed for it for herself. And on some levels fully believed that Rios did, too…

“My _abuelita_ , she was a very traditional woman,” Rios said affectionately. Agnes was surprised, his voice taking on a strange tone that made him sound…younger? Lighter? Free? “She would always talk about how her _abuela_ and her _abuela’s abuela_ and so on for generations had remained faithful to our family traditions and how it had never steered them wrong. And one of those traditions, of course, was that we’d have to attend _la santa misa_ , and especially the midnight Mass. We were never very religious by any means, but there was always something about Christmas time that made it all seem more real than surreal, you know?”

Agnes certainly felt things were surreal in this very moment. She was afraid to speak, afraid to inadvertently end whatever trip down memory lane she’d gotten permission to walk with him on. But as his pause dragged on, it became apparent his question hadn’t ben rhetorical. Looking up, she offered an apologetic smile. “I never had a lot of exposure to spiritual things growing up. Didn’t pop up a lot in the midst of circuit boards and subroutine design.” To her great relief, Rios laughed. It was a rich, warm sound, similar to but not quite like the raucous laughter he would share with Raffi. She found it burrowing into her and filling her with gentle life, nearly bringing her to tears.

“I don’t suppose it would. The whole idea behind the Christmas Mass is this…this kind of waiting, yeah? The ancients apparently believed this messianic child was going to be born, and that hope kept them going through so much darkness and so many trials, generations’ long type stuff. So when it came time for the kid to arrive, there was this huge celebration. It was like suddenly they could deal with anything that came their way. Craziest thing.” Agnes brow furrowed in thought.

“So was he some kind of…superhero or something? I feel like historians would’ve recorded something at some point in Earth’s history about some uber-powerful baby saving the world.” She hoped her tone seemed more honestly curious than skeptical, despite how hard a time she had wrapping her mind around the thought. Again to her relief, Cris turned toward her not with a look of offense, but with a child-like excitement.

“See that’s the thing, for all intents and purposes he was just a normal baby. Sure, the legends talk about all these other things he had done as an adult, but it was like just by being born…just by setting this whole prophecy into motion, it was enough to bolster the people, you know? As if because they held this belief that everything would eventually be perfect, whatever they were dealing with in the moment was suddenly far more bearable. That was always the point _abuelita_ would drive home to us every year after Mass at Christmas.”

Agnes frowned as the light started to dim in Rios’ eyes, the walls of the guarded captain she’d come to know taking their place yet again. Heart breaking at the sight, she reached up to caress his cheek instinctively, hoping absurdly that it would be enough to fend off whatever sorrow was encroaching. Rios leaned into the touch, but continued to turn away, eyes cast downward.

“I miss that. I miss that hope. I lost it years ago, and every year at Christmas I remember that it’s gone. Pops, he kinda gave me that little spark back, with that dinner. Then…”

“It was gone…even before that?” Agnes asked gently, a bit surprised. “What had happened?” Rios shrugged.

“I joined Starfleet, started seeing things, learning things. It’s not like nothing terrible had ever happened in my childhood, but somehow Christmas always seemed to reset that. It wasn’t any one thing that happened, it just…faded out. One year had been particularly rough…deaths of friends, family getting sick, just normal life things but all at once. That Christmas, I guess I was hoping for that ‘reset’ feeling…and it never came.”

He sighed heavily. Agnes felt at a loss, tears welling up as she struggled against the both the feeling of futility and the fear that she was losing this newfound aspect of someone she cared for deeply to the shadows of his past. Not sure what else to do, she wormed one arm behind him, wrapping him up into a slightly awkward side embrace and squeezing with all her might. It felt juvenile, she realized, but was also the only thing she could think to do.

With a soft chuckle, Rios wrapped his arms around her in response. They sat quietly for several minutes simply holding each other, and Agnes found herself feeling sad and yet somehow safe. With her thoughts now settled down, a question floated toward the front of her mind.

“What was different with Vandermeer?” she asked, evidence of her silent tears in the slight crack in her voice. “You said he gave you a spark back, right?”

Rios didn’t respond right away, but Agnes waited. Wrapped around him the way she was, she knew at the very least that he wasn’t upset by the question, certain she would have felt him react physically.

“I don’t know how to put it into words, really,” came the eventual reply. “Just the idea that if in the midst of everything else we were dealing with we could still make this moment of light, the space where nothing could really touch us…maybe it wouldn’t be impossible to make it happen again in the future. I started to believe that again, or at least realize I wanted to.”

Agnes was very tentative with her next words. “Given what happened next, I could see why you’d be afraid to believe that again.” The only reaction to that was a brief nod against the top of her head. “You think Picard’s surprise is gonna be like what Vandermeer tried to do for your senior staff?” Another nod. “That’s what sent you into hiding?” A pause, then a slower nod. Agnes considered briefly, piecing together all the information she’d been given and trying to figure out what to do with it that would be helpful. Looking up slightly, she saw he had deposited the remainder of his cigar on a dish next to the bottle. Shifting her gaze downward showed her what remained of the liquid in the glass he had poured earlier. Before she could think better of it, she reached for the glass, sat upright and downed its contents.

The coughing fit that came from the burn of the liquor definitely snapped her out of her somber mood, and certainly knocked any doubts of what she was going to say out of her mind. That is, if she was still able to speak by the time she could breathe normally. Or smell. The intensity of the flavors seemed to infuse her head, quickly augmented by the warmth the was now filling her chest as well. Eyes watering, she looked over to see Rios had been shocked out of his stupor as well, seemingly caught between concern for her well-being and adolescent entertainment and her seemingly foolhardy decision. In infinite amount of time later, she was certain, she was able to function again.

“What if,” she voiced, raspy from the alcohol. “What if the key is just being here, now, in the moment? What if we just appreciate the peace we’ve got now?” Reaching out to gently grasp his face, she looked deeply into his eyes, mildly taken aback by her boldness and deciding however implausible to blame it on the shot of what she is certain was actually plasma straight from the warp core that she somehow survived consuming. “What if you got your reset not because anything changed in the future, but because it let you change in the moment? Don’t be afraid to be happy, Cris. Don’t be afraid to be with us and have a good time, _really_ have a good time, in here,” she said firmly, flattening her palm against his chest. She swore she felt his heart skip a beat underneath.

Rios’ eyes darted back and forth between hers. Agnes watched intently at the battle taking place there, walls starting to crumble and repair and crumble again. Her own breathing began to pick up as she felt his heart race beneath her palm, a steady pulse that cut through the light fog that was beginning to form in her brain. She was seriously questioning her decision to finish his glass when suddenly she was being kissed. That was enough to shut her brain off and layer it with a different, far more pleasant haze as she returned the kiss with equal intensity. It was brief, Cris pulling away just enough to be able to look at her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just…I wasn’t sure what to say.” Agnes chuckled, somewhat loudly.

“Listen, you _never_ have to apologize for kissing me like _that_. Ever. Just for future reference.” She dropped her gaze to his lips briefly, debating whether or not she needed to show him what type of kiss she was referring to. When he started laughing, she realized it probably wasn’t as brief as she thought. She could feel the blood rush to her face as she looked away sheepishly.

“I had no idea you were such a light-weight,” Rios teased after kissing her again, more gently this time. “But I think you’re onto something, _querida_. I just…” Agnes looked back up at him, seeing the slight fear in his hesitation. “I might…need some help remembering. If you’re up for it?”

She beamed. “Anytime, captain.” He smiled in response and she felt tears start to prick her eyes, recognizing a hint of that light in his eyes that she’d seen when Raffi looked at Seven. Refusing to cry, _again_ , (or at least refusing to let him see it) she wrapped her arms back around his waist and resumed her position firmly snuggled into his side, head tucked under his chin. She smiled as he molded himself around her, feeling him sigh contentedly as he settled into place. As the peace started to settle deeply into her being, soft music in the background lulling her into drowsiness, a brief thought flitted across her mind that she might have to make this whole Christmas tradition a thing for them in the future. Closing her eyes, a soft kiss on her hair sent her off sleep, with visions of family holiday dinners and peaceful Christmas gatherings dancing in her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish translations:  
>  _abuelita_ \- literally "little grandmother," affectionate term for one's grandmother  
>  _la santa misa_ \- the holy mass, as in a Catholic service  
>  _querida_ \- dear, darling
> 
> Picard's big surprise will wrap up the story! I will do my best to have it out in the next few days!


	4. And Family to Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picard surprises everyone with a Christmas feast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, as we are currently still within the traditional twelve days of Christmas, I hereby declare this still qualifying as a Christmas fic. XD
> 
> Secondly, I stayed up way later than I intended to in finishing this, because that darn writing bug waited until late at night to finally bite and then I couldn't stop until it was finished.
> 
> And finally, I hope this little journey has brought about some joy and positive feelings through this admittedly bizarre holiday season. It was a joy to write, even if I didn't come anywhere _close_ to getting it done in the time frame I had originally planned! :)

The sun was setting over the vineyard, the colorful lighting spilling into the kitchen. Steam rose gently from a large stockpot on the stove, the gentle rhythmic tapping of knife through vegetables accompanying the muted bubbling of boiling liquid. A warm haze filled the room as the unusually cheerful, retired admiral went about his work, humming tunelessly. Captain Rios had been most helpful, his discretion as a freighter captain allowing for Picard to request his assistance in preparing the surprise without concern he would push for enough information to ruin it for himself at the same time. Zhaban as well, collecting the ingredients requested and arranging for a rendezvous with _La Sirena_. He rolled his eyes slightly at the message that had been included from Laris. Mothering, as always, and giving a laundry list of instructions, both regarding his self-care as well as the recipes she deduced he was preparing. Shifting over to the stove to tend to the stew, he smiled softly at the memory of the pair, considering how much they had done for him and adding their names to the mental list of those he still needed to thank. It was a list he felt impossibly long, but one he was determined to get through.

_Starting with these brave souls_ , he thought happily, tasting and seasoning accordingly. Satisfied he lowered the temperature, allowing the dish to simmer. A low beeping caught his attention. Wiping off his hands on his apron front, he brought up the comms display and received the incoming link. A bright smile crossed his face, mirroring the bearded face that greeted him.

“Will! Good to see you again,” Picard greeted happily.

“Likewise,” came the response around a hearty laugh. “Are we still on track to see your new ride, meet this swashbuckling crew of yours?” It was Picard’s turn to laugh.

“It will be an interesting colliding of worlds, to be certain. But yes, everything is on schedule.” He shifted slightly, looking to the side of the screen and taking a sniff. “Including the roast, if the aroma is any indication.”

“And none of them are any the wiser? I would think Musiker would be a hard intel officer to sneak around: not only brilliant, but survived working with you for a good chunk of time.”

“A miracle in and of itself,” Picard jested, accepting the good-natured jab. He did his best to quell the twinge of guilt that came with it; it was hard for him yet to think about the time Raffi served under his command and what it had cost her. However his earlier encounter with her brought a smile back. “Suffice it to say she has been…otherwise engaged as of late.” Riker gave a questioning look, but Picard offered nothing more.

“I’ll take your word for it,” he responded with a shrug. “You’re sure you don’t want to have this little party here at the house? We have plenty of room, all of you are more than welcome.”

“An invitation we’ll gladly take you up on, after dinner for those who wish,” Picard answered, returning to his prep. “But for this at least, I wanted to be able to host all of you, such as it were. While returning to the real La Barre would be ideal, no need for you to travel unnecessarily when we’re already passing through the neighborhood.”

“Wouldn’t have been any trouble at all, but I understand the sentiment. We’ll have to plan a trip to the chateau at some point though. Gives me an excuse to bring Kestra to my old stomping grounds, too.”

The two continued chatting amicably as Picard went about his culinary task, otherwise undisturbed. He had enlisted the help of the EHH in the event someone did attempt to come looking for him, but the precaution so far had been unnecessary. He knew the others were likely occupied, based on what he’d seen as he searched for Rios. Since he had not found the captain, he could only assume that some other task had taken his attention. _Perhaps even Dr. Jurati_ , he thought with a juvenile smirk.

“You know, I gotta say Jean Luc, I don’t remember the last time I’d seen you quite this happy,” Riker admitted, his own face turning up in a grin from his former captain’s contagious smile. “You look better than you have in years.” Picard’s motions slowly came to a stop, the smile softening. The truth of his friend’s statement struck deeply, shedding a healing light on so many dark corners of his more recent past. Images of missions and journeys from a lifetime before, the echoes of life being lived so fully, these things that had been buried over the past decade and a half…finally their radiance, the fulfillment that they represented began to reach across the cavernous chasm of failure and loss, connecting to the vivid and revitalizing memories of his recent adventure and resurrection into a _soul alive_ yet again. Looking up, locking eyes across the digital expanse with the man who had been his right hand through thick and thin, he sighed happily.

“I’ve never been better, Number One.”

_-~^~-_

“JL? We’ve established orbit around Nepenthe as requested,” Raffi called through the holosuite doors. She had attempted to enter but found the door locked, to her surprise. After a moment’s debate, she had called through the door instead. “Just thought I should let you know?”

“Excellent, Raffi, thank you! I’ll be there shortly,” the response came through the still locked doors. Too intrigued for her own good, she cocked a brow at the closed doors and decided to station herself by the railing until her former CO emerged.

‘Shortly’ quickly exceeded 10 minutes. Raffi however was focused enough that she didn’t notice Seven coming up behind her. Or calling her name. Or standing next to her. It wasn’t until the xB physically nudged her that Raffi broke off her staring contest with the holosuite doors.

“Do I want to know what conspiracy theory has you staked outside of Picard’s study?” Seven teased. Raffi pouted, leaning into the woman to show no offense was taken. The contact, of course, made it hard to hold the pout, a happy smirk creeping its way in. She gave herself a quick shake of her head to regain her focus, staring at the door.

“He’s up to something. I don’t know what. So I’m just going to wait out here and ask him myself.” She didn’t need to look at her girlfriend to know her optical implant had arched up in response. “He said he’d be out shortly.” More silence. “Ten minutes ago.” That got a hummed acknowledgement.

“Who has the conn?” Seven inquired after a few more minutes of silent observation.

“Enoch.” The unseen incredulous look was felt. “Rios’ instructions.”

“And this…doesn’t concern you?” Seven asked slowly, pondering what situation could lead “I hate holos” Rios to allow the ENH control of the ship in a not life-or-death scenario.

“Of course it does,” Raffi responded, gaze unshaken. “But Enoch showed up saying Cris is having him take watch for the rest of the evening, and asked if I could let Picard know we arrived at Nepenthe. So whatever has Rios acting weird, Picard is clearly involved in.” She then gestured emphatically toward the still closed doors. “And now, he’s hiding in his study with no concept of time, since ‘shortly’ has now lasted –”

“Twelve minutes, twenty-eight seconds.”

“Exactly.”

Seven nodded, now equally curious. They stood there for an additional three minutes and forty-two seconds before the doors finally whooshed open. Picard blinked, finding the two women standing post outside. He had to hide a smirk of amusement behind a cough, watching identical questioning expressions cover their features. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware you were waiting for me.”

“What’s going on JL? Rios is having Enoch run the ship. Rios. Trusting a holo. Last time that happened, I had to pull him from a traumatized drunken stupor.” She crossed her arms and looked at Picard expectantly. “This has something to do with you, and I want to know what.”

Picard rubbed the back of his head nervously, with a hint of amused delight. Outside of his crew from the Enterprise, there were few who were comfortable with even the thought of trying to bring him to heel. Fewer still who could do it quite like Raffi. In these instances, he chose the path of least resistance: evasion.

“I do believe our guests are waiting,” he said casually as he walked toward the transporter terminal. He pointedly ignored Raffi’s slack jawed expression and Seven’s accompanying chuckle. Raffi was continuing to pepper him with questions as he worked the console. He quickly tapped his comm badge, “Ready when you are Number One.” Raffi’s voice suddenly stopped.

“Three to beam up,” came the response.

Raffi and Seven looked at each other quickly before turning to see the forms materializing on the transporter pad. Raffi obviously knew about Will Riker and his history with Picard, but they’d never had the opportunity to cross paths. Now he was here, along with his family, and she was even more confused as to what exactly was happening. Especially as the tall man wrapped JL into a bearhug that he seemed to be reciprocating. Affectionate JL took some getting used to.

“Were you able to get everything finished up?” Will asked, clapping his old captain on the shoulder. “Anything I can help with?”

“Dad, last time you cooked for Picard, you burned a tomato,” Kestra helpfully reminded. Picard laughed as Will shrugged, reaching over to ruffle the girl’s hair. Picard looked up to see Raffi’s openly perplexed expression, next to Seven’s more subtle perplexity.

“Wait, JL, you’ve been cooking? As in not using a replicator? Do you _cook_?” Raffi’s confusion continued to grow. “Can someone _please_ tell me what’s going on here?” Picard was already backing away slowly.

“Introductions are in order, but if you’d be so kind as to chat amongst yourselves, I’d like to go ahead and gather the rest of the crew.” He turned as smaller hands grasped his shoulders, squeezing gently.

“Go,” Deanna she offered, smiling warmly. “You haven’t been this excited about something in ages.” Picard beamed at her, reaching up to squeeze her hand in thanks. He walked away as he heard Will introducing himself, and the shamelessly curious innocence of Kestra asking “Woah, are you part Borg?”

Nothing, he decided, could possibly quash the warmth that was filling his soul.

_-~^~-_

As he gathered up the remainder of the crew, he sent them to wait outside his study with the Troi-Riker clan. Walking with Soji, his heart overflowed at the open and honest joy that filled her face as Kestra shouted her name and ran toward her. The girl practically jumped at Soji who laughed delightedly as they hugged, spinning. Allowing them to catch up, the young pair chatting excitedly in Viveen, he took his post up by the doors of the holosuite.

“Thank you all for coming,” he called, gathering their attention. “I know I’ve been a bit enigmatic as of late.” He paused to fight off a grin at the scattered reactions to the declaration, as well as to Elnor’s completely innocent and poorly whispered question to Soji of “How has Picard been any stranger than usual?”

“The truth is I’ve wanted to do something for some time now, as things have settled down following the situation on Coppelius. So I’ve prepared a small something for all of you.” He took a breath to continue until he was interrupted by a low but pointedly audible rumble emerging from his stomach. His face showed more surprise than embarrassment, pondering the mechanics (and possible mutiny) of his synthetic vessel demanding sustenance. In any case, all those gathered broke into a chorus of giggles and chuckles in response. Picard shrugged, smiling in cheerful defeat.

“Speeches later then,” he teased, delighting in the responding laughter. “Please, make yourselves at home.” With a well-timed sweeping gesture, the holosuite doors opened to allow his arm to cross the threshold, inviting them in.

There was a mix of responses: gasps of surprise, coos of delight, playful chatter. Outside the darkened windows, decorative, twinkling lights draping from frames made the gentle, heavy snowfall just visible. A large hearth rested at the other end of the room, the bright blaze adding warmth and dancing flickers of light throughout the otherwise softly lit chamber. And in the center, a veritable feast beckoned enticingly, both visually and aromatically.

Picard stood back and took in the scene. He watched as bit of his past and present intermingled, mixing among themselves easily. The atmosphere he had striven to create seemed to have the desire effect: subtle lines of tension vanished, eyes twinkled with light and laughter, and among his newest crew that ever-present weight of responsibility seemed to dissipate into nothingness. A firm hand gripped his shoulder, causing him to turn his head and glance up at one of his dearest friends.

“Not only is it taking you far less than seven years to join the game, you went and started the table yourself,” Will teased gently, the undercurrent of affection and perhaps the tiniest hint of pride not lost on Picard.

“I had good and patient teachers, Will,” he responded kindly, seeing his old first officer’s smile shine nearly as brightly as the joy in his eyes. Looking toward the table he found Deanna’s gaze locked on the two of them, her own expression filled with the same light and happiness. Picard felt the slightest sting as wetness began to prick the corners of his eyes, unable to stop the instinctive clearing of his throat in response. He tugged on the bottom of his shirt out of habit, choosing to ignore the chortle coming from the man next to him who saw right through the ruse. “Come, Number One, this food won’t eat itself!”

_-~^~-_

After the food had been demolished, amidst multiple comments of surprise and sounds of enjoyment following the realization that everything before them was _real_ food, Picard found himself leaning against the doorway, having excused himself to the kitchen to retrieve the wine Laris had surprised him with in the shipment. _If you expect to keep producing in your name, you best be telling us what needs to be done before it’s all bottled for distribution,_ her message insisted, despite only one of the five bottles sent being from this year’s crop. He had one bottle in each hand when he stopped at the threshold, observing the postprandial camaraderie.

Soji was all alight in her interactions with Kestra; he was certain they were speaking interchangeably in at least three of Thad’s languages by now. It was wonderful to see her so innocent and carefree, and could only imagine how happy Kestra was to be able to remember her brother in such a unique way while also having a new friend. Elnor, curious and just as innocent, would occasionally jump into their conversations, which seemed to amuse Kestra to no end; particularly when Elnor and Soji would begin arguing about something benign that the young “wild girl of the woods” would have to mediate. At which point, Elnor would turn to Agnes who would patiently explain whatever social subtleties the young Romulan had tangled himself up in. When not doubled over laughing at the three youngest members’ antics, she could be caught sending quietly adoring glances across the table at Rios. The freighter captain was none the wiser, engaged in enthusiastic debate with Will about all things starship to such a depth of technical and specification nuance that had the admiral wondering if Rios had somehow shifted places with Ian. Will would then make some snarky comment that would send them both into raucous laughter, leading Deanna to roll her eyes and make her _own_ snarky comment that would elicit an equally hearty laugh out of the unexpectedly open and engaged Ranger.

“Quite a thing you did here, JL.” Raffi quipped, nudging him with her elbow as she crossed her arms. Picard had missed her departure from the table, assuming she entered the kitchen through the opposite doorway while he had been watching everyone’s interactions. He gave her a knowing smirk, glancing down at the bottle of ’86 she gripped firmly in one hand. The OPS officer blinked innocently at him before leaning against the opposite frame with an unapologetic grin, entire body daring him to challenge her claim on the favored vintage. He chose to let the challenge go unanswered, tilting his head toward the others instead.

“I was just noticing how much Seven has changed in her time with us,” he said casually. “Obviously Counselor Troi is very adept at softening the most stoic of souls, but it doesn’t seem to have taken much effort with our resident Ranger.” Picard heard a slight hum in response. After a few seconds with no additional comment, he turned to see his old XO lost in contemplation of the said Ranger, the intimate softness of her expression actually causing Picard to pink ever so slightly. He cleared his throat gently, trying hard to keep a neutral expression at Raffi’s jolt back to awareness, not wanting his amusement at her enamored state to make her any more self-conscious.

“Contrary to popular belief as well as her concerted efforts to maintain said belief, she’s only distant, aloof, and attractively menacing _most_ of the time,” she intoned with mostly playful indignance, dutifully trying to ignore the heat rising to her face. Picard nodded with equal gravity, noticing her gaze drift toward the xB once more.

“Ah yes, I see. The rest of the time then she is simply attractive.”

“Exactly,” she responded seriously with about half her attention. Then she blinked rapidly as the exchange fully processed. “Wait, what?” Picard couldn’t help laughing in response then, waving off the friendly punch to his shoulder.

“Seriously though JL,” Raffi continued once the admiral’s laughter had died down and her blush had become at least somewhat bearable. “This was nice. Especially this time of year, after everything we just crawled our way out of…means a lot to have something like this, ya know?” They shared a smile before returning to their observation of the others, Picard nodding softly.

“I’ve had more second chances than any living creature has a right to, Raffi,” he said quietly. “This time around I’m going to make sure the people who have made a difference in my life know it.” He turned to look at her, waiting for her to make eye contact. After a few moments of his silence, she did, her surprise apparent under his open gaze. “That includes you, who I did not show near as much appreciation as you deserved, both during those years of evacuation work…” his expression saddened as he paused, “and those long, lonely years that I was not there for you when you needed someone most.”

Raffi shifted in place, all her body language fluctuating back and forth between deeply moved and patently uncomfortable. “You’re not dying on me again, are you JL?” she joked, though there was a slight tone of uncertainty. She relaxed as he chuckled.

“Unless there is something Dr. Jurati and Soji are not telling me, no, I most definitely intend to keep living for a good while longer.” He smiled as she nodded firmly, then felt a slight tension take hold in his chest as he continued onward with as much conviction as he could muster. “And since I am _not_ at risk of dying, I am going to break the rules and…I do love you, Raffi.” He risked looking up at her, mouth open in shock and glistening wetness noticeable in her eyes. Smirking somewhat bashfully, but also proud of himself, he continued playfully, mirroring their conversation on Coppelius. “You don’t have to say it back to me.” Smiling as she coughed out a laugh. “Not unless you want to.”

Raffi shook her head before moving over to wrap the man who was suddenly so full of surprises up in a hug, which he returned only somewhat awkwardly, having a wine bottle in each hand. “I love you too, JL.” She stepped back and lifted the bottle of ’86 with a determined look on her face. “Now let’s go share the wealth, because I haven’t even had anything to drink yet and things are already getting crazy.”

After libations had been distributed, Picard was standing at the head of the table, holding everyone’s attention. Taking one more moment to truly see all the faces gathered around him, he breathed deeply.

“As I said before, I have been wanting to do something for all of you for some time. In what has truly been an unexpected blending of worlds, I find myself in the company of such dear family from my past,” he gestured warmly toward Will and Deanna, receiving bright smiles in return, before moving to indicate the rest of the table, “and this newly forged family that fate saw fit to bring together.”

“There was a time many years ago, when nothing would have made me happier than to have been celebrating Christmas with a family of my own in a home I had poured my heart and soul into,” he admitted, distant images of a life lived that never actually existed playing through his mind. “However, when that clearly was not something that was going to come to pass, I let go of that dream and continued to pursue the career and the life that I had already dedicated myself to instead.”

“And yet here, so many trials and tribulations later…I now find myself living out that very dream. A family of people so dear to my heart, gathered together in, granted, a facsimile of a home…yet out in my home among the stars. This…” He paused, blinking away the slight burning sensation in his eyes. There had been some expectation of overwhelming emotion. The intensity, he was finding, had been significantly underestimated.

“This,” he continued after clearing his throat. “After so many years of exploration, adventure, devastation, discovery, loss, and experience, I have truly lived a fulfilling life that merits very little complaint. And in light of that, while I by no means intend to turn down further adventures to come, I can comfortably admit…that all I want is this.”

He allowed the moment to settle, scanning the faces before him briefly again. Will had his arm around Deanna, whose teary eyes seemed to glow with pride. Raffi had moved her chair right up beside Seven’s, resting her chin on the Ranger’s shoulder, both faces filled with an openness and peace that made them seem several years younger. Soji, Kestra, and Elnor all practically shone with unbridled affection, both for each other and the man who was giving them a new sense of belonging and acceptance. Cris, still sitting across from Agnes, reached across the table for her hand, both of them smiling brightly, expressions free of shadows that so recently had haunted them. Picard raised his glass, waiting for the others to do likewise before continuing.

“We have all traveled difficult roads to get to this point. My Christmas wish and hope for all of us now, is simply to be thankful for that beautiful promise that lies ahead. For memories yet to be made. For stories ready to be shared. For peace waiting to be had. And for family to love.”

A cry of “Cheers!” went up and glasses clinked all around. Picard closed his eyes as the full flavor of the wine filled his senses, allowing his hearing to fill the experience in the absence of sight. When he opened his eyes again, his heart filled to overflowing, and he gave thanks for a most unexpected dream come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's to a brighter year, gentle readers! Best wishes and good health to all of you, where ever you may be!
> 
> Next on the docket, I will be getting back to Elnor in "In Giving Of Ourselves." Definitely excited to get back to giving my favorite space elf the love, attention, and in-depth backstory he deserves! :)


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